Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
"it" just moved
someone get that fucking seahorse.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
