Well douche your snatch and let's go!
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
