it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
