Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Randomize
