maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
