I just saw a hot homeless man
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
