Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
