Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Randomize
