At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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