Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
