I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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