Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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