TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
