It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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