I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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