Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
