i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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