I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
