My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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