honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
