We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
