would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
