Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
