he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
