if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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