We named our party play list daddy issues
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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