I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Randomize
