i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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