A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
