I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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