it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
