I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Sober January is a disaster.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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