You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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