can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
