is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I stole a fireplace last night.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
