He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
