We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
ok first of all what the fuck
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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