I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Randomize
