New low: just hacked my moms facebook
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
