Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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