I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
