I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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