Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
