Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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