I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
