Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
