On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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