Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
