She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Pants are for mortals
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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