i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
