Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
