he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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