lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
