Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
