My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
