Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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