Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
