Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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