ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
