I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
wow bdsm is so cute
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
