Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
